Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Perhaps I am Easily Excited...

Recently, I find myself getting more and more excited about all sorts of things. I get downright giddy when I think of them. The fact that they haven't even happened yet, yet still manage make me happy could be a cause for concern, but I'm not worried about it.I know people say if you look to far to the future you'll miss the present, but I'm not living in the future, I'm using it as motivation for the present. For example, the idea of one day getting into my dream school BYU is motivation to keep doing my homework (;

Here are just a few things I'm excited for:
-Singing at the National Cathedral on Friday
-Pools Opening this Weekend!!!
-being done with Junior Year
-singing for my babies at graduation!
-Girls' Camp 2012 (my first last! ahhh!)
-working hard at waterworks with coworkers I love
-a summer of self-improvements
-Youth Conference 2012: Dance Festival/Youth Celebration
-EFY with Lexy and Lauren
-getting rainbow tips this summer
-finally getting my license
-going to Portland Oregon with my grandfather
-spending time with my friends before they leave to college
-senior year!
-going to school with my brother, Gabe, next year!
-the fact that in a year I'll be graduating high school and hopefully I'll be going to BYU with Cuesta!
-and much much more!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

MoPro 2012

This will mostly be a picture post since the last one was all words. Enjoy! :D

No offense Christian, but this one is my favorite. (:


So today I sat at a desk thinking of things I wanted to say to certain people, but probably never will (with a few exceptions) either for my sake or for the sake of the person I'd be saying it to. These comments are directed to a vast quantity of people from family, to friends, to random people in my school who I don't even know that well at all. Some of these apply to more than one person, and sometimes a single person has more than one.

Anyways, writing these and posting them was fairly therapeutic and I would totally recommend it.

-one day I'll be gone and you'll wish you hadn't wasted so much time.
-we're only friends when it's convenient to you, and it's not fair to me.
-the only times we have conflicts is when I get tired of letting you walk all over me.
-you're the first boy I've ever had a true crush on and I don't think I'm over you.
-My problems aren't as important to you as yours are to me. It hurts.
-Being friends with you and getting closer recently has made my life so much more liveable.
-You know I can do better, and even though I get frustrated don't stop telling me. You're right, and I get mad because I know you are.
-It takes all my control not to jump in a car and go visit you. I miss seeing your face.
-You will always be my best friend and I'm grateful you are an example in my life.
-I'll never tell you what she said because I'm scared it will hurt you more than you hurt me.
-I wish there was some way you could have been my date to prom. I had a great time, but spending it with you would have made it so much better.
-I hate that you've changed, and I don't know what to think. It scares me that I can't be honest with you.
-I think if you lived in Virginia we'd be really good friends. I like making lists too!
-You've grown up a lot this year and words can't express how proud I am of you for how far you've come.
-I still can't help but smile each time we interact. The littlest things remind me of you.
-What you did hurt me a lot, but I'm never going to tell you that I know what you said because forgiving you has been really hard and I think I'm close to getting past it.
-I love you, but sometimes the things you say make me want to punch you in the face. You could do better.
-I worry about you all the time, Simba. I wish I could have done something more.
-I wish someone would follow you around with a camera so you could see all the stupid and immature things that you do on a daily basis.
-I hurts a lot that you lied to me like it was no big deal.
-I hope one day we hangout and jam on our ukes, but I also hope you know I just want to be friends.
-The choices you've been making are always on my mind, I want to look out for you, but I don't know how.
-I've heard you're full of yourself and it wouldn't surprise me, but I'm okay with it.
-You can be the biggest jerk to others, but you are always there for me so I'll never judge you for it.
-I don't know why you haven't blown me off. I'm not cool enough to be your friend.
-Boys never like me so I should've known the way things were going was just wishful thinking. I should've known better, but I couldn't help but hope.
-You're a great guy and I wish you wouldn't think people don't like you. Let's go on an adventure?
-I wish you would ask me to come play basketball with you someday. I miss playing.
-You make me self conscious when you're high because you look straight into my eyes like you know everything about me and I can't hide.
-I've worked hard to be a good friend to you, but it's obvious that you will always take me for granted. I'm sorta over it.
- Thank you for setting such a great example of who I never want to be.
-You're the only boy I know who looks attractive with a tattoo. I can imagine us as friends.
-I like you and all, but it makes me mad how fake and cocky you've gotten.
-It makes me smile that our conversation really hit it off with a conversation about our feet.
-I'm sorry I couldn't do anything to make things better. I hope having someone to cry with was enough.
-That song made me cry because next year you'll be gone.
-It would be nice if you would ever stop talking in class. No one cares.
-I wish I could tell you my feelings without it ruining the way things are.
-I was worried about you all night.
-I'm not worried about losing my phone because I know you haven't texted me.
-I would appreciate it if you took things I said more seriously.
-You're a great guy. I hope you serve a mission because I know you'd be awesome at it. I'm glad I've gotten the chance to know you and that you were my temporary brother.
-Everyone was convinced I liked you, but I know that I never will. You can be such a fair weather friend.
-I lost so much respect for you when you stopped listening to my views and started making excuses.

And these are things that I think of in quiet moments.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Mormon Prom Checklist:

(so basically, other than laying in bed and reading a book like I'm about to do, this is what my day will include...    you know since it takes so much to make me look good, lol jk (; i just feel like if i'm going to prom I may as well do it right.) (Also: sorry i haven't posted in forever, I have so many things I've wanted to just sit down and write, but I keep making myself wait until my homework is done and then I go to sleep so I'll be on time to seminary.) :D

[ ]Practice Walking In my Shoes  ..just kidding. kinda x)
[ ]Remove Toenail Polish and wash face
[ ]Shower Time!
[ ]Blow dry my hair.

[ ]Pluck Eyebrows... finally. hahaha
[ ]Paint Toenails
[ ]Paint Fingernails
[ ]Curl Hair
[ ]Style Hair
[ ]Makeup Time

[ ]Put on dress
[ ]Put on Shoes
[ ]Put on accessories

and then off to take pictures, eat dinner, and dance the night away with my dear friend Graffy.

Also my dear reader. you probably didn't need to know any of this, but i feel bad for not updating my blog and i really needed to make this list. lol Have a fabulous day! ;D

Monday, May 7, 2012

All the Small Things

I am continually grateful for all the small things in my life, as well as my ability to recognize them for what they are. I see so many people who let all the little things around them ruin their attitude and totally change their perspective making things go from fine, to bad, to worse. but i digress...

If a movie were made of my day today, critics and viewers would probably thing it was totally pointless and a waste of time, (not to mention ridiculously long...) but I find myself totally content if not happy with how things went today. Like I said, all the small things...

I started my day off with seminary which was actually pretty frustrating. People talk all the time and it gets on my nerves that they don't respect our teacher or want to listen and be uplifted. Regardless, I enjoyed the message and despite feeling a little frustrated as I walked out, this frustration was not an omen for the events of the day that were soon to follow.

Upon arriving to school, I talked to my friends for a little bit, then Cuesta and I went to get breakfast from Mrs. Jabara before my AP test. Honestly, I think this girl was really why my day was so good. She always brightens it. We got our breakfast, talked, and laughed, until I had to go take my test.

The test itself wasn't a huge deal, i think i did alright, but I'm not going to talk about it, because I'm not supposed to. It went just fine, and I was left with 20 minutes. I don't know how many of you have taken an AP test, but when you finish the multiple choice section, they have you seal it closed with white labels because the questions are usually not disclosed or released. So I sat in that auditorium, and i wrote down all the emotions I've been holding back or trying to forget. I everything down feverishly and I didn't hold back because I knew that no one, me or anyone else will ever read those words again. I feel so free. I find myself anticipating the AP English again so I can write down everything else I didn't have time to write.

This experience makes me think of a song that's on the soundtrack for The Best Two Years, the lyrics say, "If it's not love, just simply let it go." Recently, I've been working on trying to forgive people for things that have past. These words have helped me in respect to that and today with letting go of sadness or frustration and things that I can't change and helping me to focus on the things that I can change and work towards. I'm so grateful for repentance and the fact that we have the ability to change and become something more that we are now.

...on a total aside, this reminds me of a conversation that we had in choir the other day. King Tut told us to imagine what would happen if we never got second chances. He asked, what if the first time we tried to stand up or walk and we fell down, we were told that we couldn't try again, that we were stuck crawling through our whole lives. I'm so grateful that God is more merciful than that. He not only lets us get up to try and walk again, He and Christ reach out to pull us up, They are our crutches, and when it's totally necessary They carry me. I wasn't planning on making this a spiritual post in anyway, but throughout all the things that have been going on, I guess my heart is just too filled with gratitude to not saying anything.

Well, after that all the rest of the things I have to say seem silly. After my AP test I got to go back to APES and chill with my Cuesta. The time went so incredibly slowly despite the fact that I was enjoying myself. I got to read her New Era and I got to look through a National Geographic (and boy was it nice to see how beautiful the world is after taking a test for several hours about all the problems it has). Cuesta and I made the best list of things that we are going to do when we are in college together. We are currently planning on being roomates, (and I know everyone says not to room with friends, and I'm sure everyone says this, but honestly it will totally be fine... I cook and she cleans, so we've got everything covered.) and we are so excited. I am going to thrive senior year, but still, I am too excited to go to BYU (knock on wood that I'll get in!) We made a list of things to do in college, and we are so excited to do all the things on the list! (: I'll do a different post of our list someday when it's finished! :D

After school I got to talk to a few friends including Leland Lexy and Nikolai. I was glad to talk to Nikolai for just a minute because I feel like I see him all the time, but i never really talk to him and he's a pretty cool kid. And I got to walk out with Emily who is basically my favorite. AND on my way to Katie's car I got to see Reed Weed, who is basically my sister. I honestly don't know what I am going to do next year. So many people I love are graduating and I am too excited for college for my own good, but oh well! Things will workout for sure.

Anyways, Katie and Taylor took me home and then I went to... WATERWORKS! Honestly, I know I probably sounds so lame right now, but I truly love that place. Between all the fun and frustration that's gone down there and because I love summer and it is a fundamental part of my summer, I love that place so much. Being there made summer feel so close and brought back so many memories. I honestly love my job.

I got to work with Gabe (not my brother... biologically) and Jon cleaning chairs for a couple hours! I love both of those guys so much. We talked about everything and nothing and just had a good time working really hard. We talked, joked, smiled, and laughed until it was time to go home. While I was biking home Jon honked and waved at me from across the street, and it made me happy. For once the person honking was someone I like and not a creepy white van with tinted windows, haha (:

Also, while we were working Jon and I started talking about Mormon Prom. On the one hand I guess I'm pretty excited to go, but at the same time I don't really want to. However, today on tumblr I saw a photo that said "Don't Miss a Chance to Dance" and I realized that none of it really matters and I'm just going to go have a great time. I love to dance and I love my friends, so nothing else really matters. It's going to be great, and if nothing else I'll get to wear some fabulous heels (; Really though, despite my mixed feelings, I'm going to make it a great night! :D

Welp, I can't think of what else to write, and I don't think I need any more than what I have. This is definitely  longer than I thought it would be. I'd say sorry, but I sort've doubt anyone made it this far. Hahaha, just kidding and Congratulations if you did. This was a snapshot of the many thoughts that have gone through my mind. Now I can no longer procrastinate my homework...

Really though, I'm so grateful for my life and even though I've been frustrated, I'm going to go forward with faith that things are happening the way they are meant to happen.